Every Heart

  Copyright © 2015 by LK Collins

  Kindle Edition

  Every Heart

  A novel by LK Collins

  Cover Design by RE Creatives

  Edited by Lisa Christman, Adept Edits

  Formatting by Paul Salvette, BB eBooks

  Photography by Mayer George

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  For my Father, thank you for always loving me and supporting me.

  “How are you feeling?” a nurse asks me.

  Looking around the desolate hospital room, that’s a loaded question.

  “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  “Physically, Mr. Wilcox?” she asks in her thick, German accent.

  “I’m okay, better than I’ve been for about the last year.”

  “Good, well, keep resting. You’re healing well. Your family should be here any time.”

  Looking at her long, blonde hair as she leaves the room, it reminds me of Arion. I can’t help but feel happy, knowing soon she’ll be here. I’ve been waiting so long to see her, to hear her voice, to touch her. Finally, today is that day. My eyes are heavy…I’m still so tired all the time and don’t have the strength to do much. So I take the nurse’s advice and close them, envisioning my parents and my girl.

  Soon, I’m awakened by a familiar touch and a voice I know all too well. Smiling to myself, I open my eyes to see both of my parents. They’re crying, looking down at me, and it kills me that my decisions have done this to them and our family.

  “Oh, Nate,” my mom says basically throwing herself at me. Reaching up despite my weakness, I wrap an arm around her. Feeling her again brings tears to my eyes. Glancing at my dad, he has a hand on my arm, red faced, and is just staring at me. I reach for his hand, and am so grateful that they are here. They traveled halfway across the world to be with me. Closing my eyes, I take everything in. But one person is missing.

  Arion is not with them and as my mom pulls away, I can’t help but watch the door, waiting for her to come running to me. “How are you?” my dad asks me, leaning down to hug me.

  “I’m better, but still feeling pretty rough.”

  “You’re so skinny,” my mom says, gripping my hand.

  “I know, Ma.”

  “But you’re alive, and that’s all that matters.”

  “Yes, it is,” my dad adds. Pulling one of my hands away for a brief second, I wipe my eyes.

  “How much do you know?” I ask them, wondering how forthcoming the military was with giving them information.

  “We didn’t know anything ’til we landed. On the drive over here, they told us what you’ve been through. I’m so sorry, Nate.”

  “It’s okay, Dad, I survived. Only for you guys and Arion.”

  Bringing up her name puts a cloud over the room. I can tell both of my parents’ attitudes change right away. They glance at each other, then nervously look around the room like the hospital equipment is interesting. They are looking everywhere except at me.

  “Where is she?” I ask point blank, not able to stand it any longer that she hasn’t come through the door.

  “I’m sorry. She’s not coming, son,” my dad says.

  Both fear and pain take over, almost crippling me, as I run through all of the reasons why she might not be here. My chest tightens and I ask, “Did something happen to her?”

  “Oh God, no,” my mom blurts out. “She’s okay, Nate, it’s just…”

  She trails off without finishing her sentence and puts her head down. I look at my dad hoping for the answers. I need to know why in God’s name my fiancée isn’t here.

  “Dad?” I ask in a pleading tone after he doesn’t say anything. I’m about to beg him to tell me when he says the worst words in the world.

  “She’s moved on, son,” he says with tears in his eyes.

  Agony takes over, almost paralyzing my heart. Never in a million years did I dream of hearing the news that she moved on. Never. Day in and day out, being chained like a pig and the thought never crossed my mind. Tears spill over and I look between my parents, my vision blurred.

  “Why?” I ask, clenching my jaw.

  My dad pulls a chair up and sits next to me. “She thought you were dead. The military told us long ago that you died in a roadside bombing.”

  “Will you excuse me?” my mom asks and gets up from the chair she’s sitting in.

  My dad asks her, “Are you okay, honey?”

  She nods her head and walks away. I notice how frail she is and she’s using a cane. “What’s wrong with Mom?” I ask my dad, immediately alarmed.

  “She has a lot of things going on right now, Nate.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I ask him, panicked.

  “We wanted to wait to tell you, ’til you were feeling stronger.”

  “No, Dad, tell me now.”

  “I’m afraid your mother’s been dealing with some serious health issues.”

  “Like what? Just tell me dammit,” I say aggravated that he won’t let me in on what’s going on with my mom. “I can handle it.”

  “It’s a lot to take in, so don’t freak out. As of now, she’s been diagnosed with MS and Aplastic Anemia, which is a rare blood disorder.”

  “Oh my God, what does that mean?” I ask whispering.

  “She has a long road ahead of her, son. I don’t think at this point with either of the diseases that the doctors can predict how her future will be.”

  I rest my head back against the pillow, my physical pain now replaced with anger. Arion’s gone. My mom is dying. Why the fuck did I even bother surviving? What the fuck has happened? This is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. Closing my eyes, I know I have to fix this.

  Being in the hallway of her building and waiting for her to arrive is surreal. My body is flooded with emotions. I’m not sure how I’ll respond when I see her, or how she will when she sees me. I don’t know why I’m so worried. I know she will run to me. She has to. Arion is mine – she always has been and always will be. I mean, I love her enough to have stayed away for as long as I have, but not any longer…I need her.

  I’ve dreamt of this moment a million times and imagined it going so many different ways. I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and carry her away. But I won’t ’til she tells me she wants me and she’s ready to leave him. Right now, she’s not my girl and I know that. The thought alone fills my body with anger. She’s moved on and really…I can’t blame her, she thought I was dead. When you love someone the way I love her, you respect them even if it kills you in the process. I know for her to be living with someone, she must care deeply for him. And sometimes I wonder if it would be better if she thought I was still dead. She has a new life after all, and what place do I have in it? But my heart has been pulling me towards her and telling me that everything she has with this guy will wash away the moment she sees me.

  I could blame me being here on my mom being sick. Arion needs to know what’s going on with her, and neither of my parents are going to bear the bad news to her, but knowing Arion the way that I do, she would want
to know. That’s another reason why it pains me to have stayed away from her as long as I have.

  Suddenly, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. There she is. She’s even more beautiful than I remember. She is the essence of flawlessness. More perfect than any other human being.

  Staying back in the shadow of the hallway, I watch her look for something in her purse. I’m lost. It takes me a moment to snap out of it. I should help her with her groceries, but sadly…I can’t, as I stand here on my crutches with more injuries than I’d like to name. I’m not the same man I once was, but what is the same: my love.

  Finally, I will myself to move, close enough just to smell her scent. It’s exactly as it was the day I left. The same smell I remember as I tucked my nose deep into her hair and said goodbye. That was the day I made the biggest mistake of my life.

  She slides the key in the door and I know I have to stop her, so I reach for her. “A,” I whisper, searching for the strength that’s suddenly been stripped away. Her body tenses and I see a chill run over her as goose bumps form on her skin. It takes her a moment before she turns towards me. I stand frozen, trying to read her reaction. I won’t push myself on her. She will come to me, I know she will.

  Arion’s skin turns pale, as if she’s staring at a ghost. Considering what I’ve been through, being beaten, tortured, and starved, I should be a ghost. All of the grocery bags fall from her hands. The second the milk hits the floor, it busts open, tipping over and pooling at her feet. She takes her hands and presses them to the sides of her face, just shaking her head vigorously. Dammit, this is not the reaction I wanted. She looks terrified, like I’m a monster.

  “Nate?” she questions. Like it’s not really me standing before her.

  Reaching for her to provide some sort of comfort, I say, “It’s me, A.”

  She pulls away from me, the gesture a swift kick to the gut. No, don’t do that. I dreamt of her running into my arms and now…this. Looking at her as tears roll down her cheeks, she just continues to shake her head and backs away from me ’til finally she’s pressed firmly against the door. I don’t want to scare her any more than I already have so I stay where I am, praying she comes to her senses and to me.

  “Please, A, say something?”

  “I…This…It’s just a…dream…a dream. Wake up, Arion,” she tells herself.

  In the distance, I hear the elevator ping and we both turn to look down the hall. That’s him and I know it. I’ve seen this asshole she’s with on TV and shit. The basketball star himself. She starts to breathe heavily and reaches her hand for him as he walks down the hall. He takes in the scene, then runs to her and asks, “What’s wrong, baby?”

  He glances at me briefly, I know not making the correlation yet. All he sees is her panicked and struggling to breathe.

  “Nate,” she whispers between deep, struggled breaths and looks at me. His head whips towards me and anger looms in his eyes. I know he can’t believe it probably even more than she can’t. Her gasping starts to get out of control and she moves her hand to her chest. “I can’t breathe,” she tells him.

  “It’s okay, baby, everything is going to be okay,” he tells her holding on to her shoulders and looking into her eyes. Then all the color drains from Arion’s face. Her eyes roll back into her head and she collapses. My instincts move me and I try to catch her, but my crutches slip on the milk and I hit the floor. I keep my eyes on her and Bain has her. I couldn’t care less about me. I only watch her head, making sure it doesn’t hit anything.

  Holding it gracefully, Bain lays her down gently, cradling her head in his lap and shouts, “Baby? Baby, wake up.” She doesn’t respond and he looks at me and asks, “What the fuck happened, motherfucker?”

  I shake my head, unsure how to answer his question. This is not something that I ever imagined in a million years. Leaning over her, he caresses her face and talks to her, coaxing her to wake up. “Come on, baby, wake up.” She doesn’t move, except for the slow breaths moving in and out of her. “Call 911,” he orders.

  “I don’t have a phone,” I respond, embarrassed, and scoot away to collect my crutches.

  “How do you not have a phone?” he snarls at me angrily and calls himself. As I go to stand, he looks at my pants where the fabric is bunched at the spot where I lost the lower half of my leg.

  Right away, I can tell that the wheels in his head are spinning. Then Arion begins to move and I can’t stop myself from crawling to her. Looking at her, I want to touch her, to see if I can soothe her pain in any way. But Bain stares at me like a protective animal that’s about to take his prey down, all the while giving the dispatcher her symptoms. While I just sit and shake my head, wanting to run my hand over her soft skin, wanting to be the one on the phone, wanting to be the one she reached for. But I’m not.

  He hangs up and looks at me without saying anything. I mean, in a moment like this, what is there to say? Taking his eyes off of mine, he looks down and we both watch her. A lonely tear of his lands on her neck. He wipes it away and shakes his head. Being this close to her and not able to do anything kills me. Glancing up, I catch sight at the way he’s looking at her and I know he loves her just as much as I do. I never dreamt of having competition for the woman I love when I was rescued. All I thought about was finally being able to be with Arion. I survived for one reason. One – her. Now, all of that is in jeopardy and I just don’t know what to do.

  The paramedics arrive rushing down the hall. Right away Bain stands up and moves out of their way, and I myself struggle a little more trying to get up. Surprisingly, Bain helps me up, then he hands me my crutches as I balance on my one leg. The paramedics begin to work on her, checking vitals and asking us what happened. Bain speaks, and I let him. Once they finally get her awake, they talk to her, asking all sorts of questions, but she is dazed and still really out of it. Her eyes are glazed over as she turns and looks at me. They move her onto a body board and start to strap her down, the sound of the Velcro instantly triggers a flashback…

  “He’s alive,” a man shouts.

  Slowly I move my head, trying to open my eyes. It’s the first time I’ve heard the voice of another person in almost two weeks. Why won’t my eyes open? I can’t see anything. I try to lift my arm to wipe away the dirt and grime that covers them and I remember how bad it hurts when I move.

  I freeze from the pain. I should have been dead days ago, but…I’m not. I know the only reason is because of the small water leak coming from the ceiling. It drips a few drops here and there, and up until I couldn’t see, I could catch them in my mouth.

  “Man, you’re fucking mental. He’s dead,” another man says.

  I know this is my last chance at survival. Since I was left for dead, these are the first people I’ve encountered. I moan and try to move with every ounce of strength I have. It’s excruciating, but I have to. They both stop talking as they catch my movement, then shout, “We’ve got a live one!”

  “Stay still,” one of them says and touches my shoulder. Then I feel a hand on my wrist.

  “His pulse is weak and by the look of him, we’ll need to airlift him out of here.”

  “Just hang in there, man, you’re going to be okay.”

  I don’t respond, I just lie still.

  “I’m going to pour some water over your eyes, okay?”

  I nod my head and then almost cry from the burning sensation. They keep pouring water over and over, but still I can’t see. Fuck, I’m blind.

  “We’re gonna get you out of here.” They lift my weakened, emaciated body and the movement causes me to scream out in pain. My body trembles and my breathing is beginning to get so fast I fear I might pass out. But before darkness takes over, the last thing I remember loud and clear is the sound of Velcro as my body is tied down to a bodyboard…

  The noise that day is exactly the same as it is now, watching Arion being secured for transport.

  “Is one of you her significant other?”

  “I am,” Bai
n responds looking right at me. I nod my head, letting him know that I agree. The truth is, I am not hers, nor is she mine. Not now. I left her and made the biggest mistake the day I enlisted. Today I’d thought our love was strong enough and she would come running to me, but I guess not. Staring down at the ground, I can’t bring my eyes up to meet his again.

  The room is dark and everything is quiet, it’s the only place that I feel at peace…alone and away from the world. For so many months, I laid like this, praying for the day that I would get to come home and see my family. My parents and Arion are all that really matter to me. They always have been and I know that will never change. Even if things with Arion didn’t go as planned, I will never give up on her, because I was given a second chance at life, and I know my life was meant to be spent with her.

  Even though I lived through hell, I knew the day my parents arrived in Germany at the military hospital and Arion did not come with them that something was wrong. But even then, I never gave up hope. Until now.

  I should be thankful for being given a second chance at all, but how can I when the person who matters most to me, who kept me alive, day in and day out while I was living in hell, loves someone else?

  Closing my eyes, I can still hear my dad’s words as he broke the news to me. She’s moved on. Both of my parents felt so sorry for me then, and they still do now. But sorry didn’t do shit then and it sure as hell isn’t doing shit now.

  There’s a knock on my door and I don’t answer, instead I pretend that I’m sleeping like I have so many other times. My dad flips the light on and sits on my bed. “How are you holding up?”

  I shake my head without responding.

  “Listen, I know you’re in pain and I feel for you, Nate, I really do. But dammit you’re alive. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

  “Trust me, Dad, I know,” I gripe.

  “Then would you start acting like it?”

  Seriously? “Is this really how you’re going to treat me? After thinking I was dead?”