Every Heart Read online

  “Nate, you know your mother is ill and you don’t seem to give two shits about her or me for that fact. So yeah, this is how I’m going to treat you. You have a doctor’s appointment in about an hour. Maybe you could shower and not act like your life is over. Open your eyes – you’ve been given an amazing second chance at life, son.”

  My dad walks off and I roll over, forcing myself to open my eyes. It hurts, fuck it hurts, but his words resonate with me. My mother is in a lot of pain and has taken the news of her medical problems really hard. Plus, as much as I don’t want to admit it and want to wallow in my own bullshit…I am very lucky to be alive.

  Thinking for a few moments about my parents, and what they must have gone through when I was gone…it’s hard to even imagine…so I take a dose of my dad’s advice, knowing I have to fake it for them. I can do that. They deserve at least that from me, not this pathetic immature person who sulks around. Plus, I need to figure out a plan to get Arion back. Being depressed and in bed isn’t the place to do that.

  Getting out of bed, I make my way into the bathroom, crutches and all. Leaning over, I turn the shower on and then sit on the lid of the toilet to get undressed. What used to be such a normal everyday thing is now so difficult. I become frustrated very easily, but do my best in this moment to keep that in check. Getting into the shower, I leave my crutches outside and sit on the stool that my dad put in here for me. Looking down at my legs, tears fill my eyes. It pains me to remember how I used to be. I was so athletic and full of energy.

  When I left two years ago, I had so many plans and now…this is my reality. I guess it was crazy of me to think Arion wouldn’t get on with her life after the news of my death. She’s perfect and Bain jumped at the opportunity, now he’s the lucky one.

  I wipe away the tears, remembering my dad’s words again. I begin to wash myself, trying to forget about everything for a little bit. I just want some relief from the torture of my mind. But then her face flashes before mine as I rinse myself. I think the thing that really sickens me most about it all is how when I showed up at her apartment, her reaction to me was that of…fear.

  I should have stayed away like I’d planned, until I had my prosthetic and gained some weight, and maybe when Bain was out of town at a game. But I had too much time on my hands and it drove me mad not to be with her or have her, since I was back home and so close. So finally when I couldn’t bear it any longer, I broke my own rules. I was becoming obsessed with needing to see her and had this vision that the moment she saw me, she would run into my arms and everything would be as it was.

  Instead, my biggest fear came true and things went the complete opposite. I acted on a whim like I have so many other times, just took a cab to her place after I stumbled upon her address after searching and searching about her online.

  She’d just moved into this elegant sky-rise with an NBA player, but none of that mattered to me. I just needed to see my girl. It didn’t make a difference that the military and the government asked that my return be kept low profile, for the chance they could find my captors before they knew I’d been found alive. I went against them too and made another mistake.

  Now I don’t have a clue what’s going on with Arion. Is she okay? What’s she thinking now that she knows I’m alive?

  Getting out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look nothing like I used to. I can’t gain weight, and I know it’s because I never feel like eating, even though I know I have to. I used to think about food all the time when I was held captive, so I should be eating like a pig, but I just can’t. I’ve lost the will to do anything for myself.

  After I’m dressed and done getting ready, I head into the living room. My mom is on the couch and the second she sees me, she gets up with her cane assisting her.

  “Ma, just stay sitting, will ya?”

  “She’s coming with us,” my dad says as he rests his hands on both of our shoulders.

  “You should stay home and rest, Ma.”

  “That’s nonsense, dear, I’ve been without you for far too long. I’m coming along, end of story,” my mom tells me with a firm, loving voice.

  To say that these last two days have been the scariest I’ve experienced since losing Kinsey would be an understatement. It’s been total and brutal hell. Leaning my head on the edge of Arion’s hospital bed, I watch her sleep peacefully. Thankfully, we’ll be able to go home soon, but with that comes a great fear. A fear that she could leave me for Nate. I mean, why wouldn’t she? Nate is her true love.

  I knew the instant that I heard his name, my life would never be the same. I didn’t need to ask why he was alive and even now don’t want to know how it’s possible. He’s alive and that’s all there is to it.

  Arion hasn’t said much about the situation and I don’t want to pry, because honestly right now it scares the shit out of me. I can’t lose her. I know if she were to leave me again, I…I couldn’t make it.

  One of the nurses comes in with her chart in hand and says, “Dr. Wellington should be in shortly to evaluate her.”

  “Are we still going home today?” I ask.

  “Hopefully.” She turns away without another word.

  When we got to the hospital, Arion was awake and fine. Then the doctor and nurses started to ask her what happened and she had a panic attack. They made me leave ’til they calmed her down. It was almost impossible – they ultimately had to give her a light sedative – and then a psychologist evaluated her mental state. He determined that she’s on the verge of a breakdown and we have to tread very lightly with her treatment.

  They started her on some anxiety medication and I know that has helped. It’s the same shit I used to take to get spun out of my mind on, but taken responsibly can provide real help for anxiety.

  Letting go of her hand, I lean back in my chair, running my hands over my face. Please let us be able to go home today. She’s not happy here.

  As I remove my hands, she’s staring at me. “Hey, baby. You okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah. This bed just sucks.”

  “I bet it’s better than this chair.”

  She gives me a fake smile and looks away from me, like she has for the last two days. Her walls are back up and slowly she is pushing me away. Watching her stare into the corner of the room kills me. Getting up and out of the chair, I walk around the bed and get in her line of sight. She tries to move and turn away from me, but I don’t let her. Moving in, I grab her face, turning it towards me and force her eyes to look into mine.

  She blinks still trying to turn away from me. My heart aches by how she is acting. I just want to climb atop her and tell her how much I love her. To show her how much she means to me. Maybe that would make a difference and bring my girl back.

  “Baby, please. Please don’t push me away.”

  She releases a long exhale and looks me in the eyes. I can’t help but rub my thumb over her sweet lips. “I’m not trying to, Bain, trust me.”

  “But you are. Arion, I love you more than anything in the world and I can’t bear to see you like this. I’m here for you.”

  “I know you are and I appreciate that, I just don’t really want to talk about things.”

  “I can respect that, what you’re going through is unreal. But I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t let things change with us, regardless of what’s happened. We’ll figure all this shit out together.”

  Arion blinks a few times causing tears to drop out of the sides of her eyes.

  What the fuck am I supposed to do?

  “We’ll talk when you are ready, okay?”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  The doctor comes in, interrupting our conversation. Quickly, I stand up, letting go of Arion’s hand to shake his.

  “How are you today?” I ask.

  “Fine, fine. I think the better question is how is Arion?” He looks at her and she wipes the tears away. I grab her hand giving it a light squeeze to reassure her, to push
through this.

  “I’m okay.”

  “You sure?”

  She nods her head and smiles at him. “Good, well, your vitals look great, stable, and the nurse tells me you haven’t had any more panic attacks.”

  “No, I haven’t, the medication has helped.”

  “Good, and I trust that you are going to keep meeting with Dr. Crones?”

  She looks at me and I answer for her, I know that’s one of the things she doesn’t want to do, but at this point I would tell any lie just to get her out of here.

  “Yes, she will. I have his number and will call his office as soon as we are home.”

  “Glad to hear. Now Arion, you remember what the triggers of a panic attack are, right?”

  She nods her head and he lightly pats her shoulder. “I’ll sign the release papers, there’s no reason to keep you here any longer. You two take care.”

  “Thank you, doctor,” I tell him as he exits the room. “God, I can’t wait to get you home.”

  “Me too,” she agrees.

  The nurse comes in and gives us her release instructions. Then I help Arion get dressed. She seems to be a little happier now that we are going home. Typical hospital protocol is that she be wheeled out in a wheelchair. Her facial expression is priceless when the nurse tells her this and it cracks me up. I can’t help but laugh at her, causing her to glare at me.

  Once she is situated, we head down and then outside. I hail us a cab and the nurse helps her inside and then I follow. Once I have the door closed, I feel like I can breathe. Everything is going to be all right, it has to.

  I tell the cab driver where we are headed and wrap Arion as tightly as I can in my arms, resting my chin on top of her messy blonde hair. On the drive we sit in mostly silence, both of us watching the sights of New York City pass us by, my mind racing, wondering what the future has in store for us.

  It’s not long ’til we’re home. I pay the driver and hop out of the cab, breathing in the fresh air. Looking up at our building, I pray being here doesn’t give her a setback. I worry that it could. It’s the last thing I want. Over the last few days, I’ve witnessed it firsthand and it’s horrific. Watching the person you love struggling to breathe is indescribable. The way she panicked and didn’t make sense of her words was absolutely heart-wrenching.

  As I open her door, she looks unsure. I decide to lift her out myself. It will be easier to be in control and quicker if I have her in my arms where she’s safe. “Ready, baby?”

  “Uh-huh,” she responds.

  I kiss those sweet lips, the ones that take my breath away as I cradle her body against my chest. For the first time in a few days, she looks me in the eyes without me having to beg or plead. Then she closes them, and I take her inside.

  Herbert opens the door for us, welcoming us inside. I thank him and breeze right along to the elevators. I’m on a mission with Arion in my arms. I’m thankful that the lobby is empty. We catch the first elevator right up and my heart thuds against my chest as each floor ticks by. I’m scared that walking down the hallway will trigger another panic attack for Arion, or worse, what if Nate’s in the building?

  I know that’s nonsense…he won’t show back up here. He loves her, and he doesn’t want to cause her any harm. Saying the word “love” and thinking of another man makes me feel ill. But if he does show up, I’ve notified security to keep an eye out for him. The elevator finally stops on our floor. I look down at Arion as she grips my chest and whisper, “I love you, baby.”

  Her lips pucker and she presses them against the fabric of my shirt. It feels so good, to see her kiss me like this. I walk as fast as possible. Glancing down, Arion is clinging to my body with her eyes screwed shut avoiding the hallway with everything she has. Quickly, I fish my keys out of my pocket and open the door the best I can with Arion in my arms. I just need to get us inside. I rush us in like a vortex, kicking the door closed behind me. Looking around, it pains me how normal our life was two days ago. Now nothing feels normal.

  I walk us into our bedroom and notice Arion’s office is still set up on our bed. Her laptop, Blackberry, calendar, iPad, everything is as it was the last time she was home.

  Setting her on my side of the bed, it hurts to let her go even though it’s only for a few seconds. I gather all of her belongings and place them neatly on her nightstand. Then I lift the covers and slide us both underneath.

  With her warmth around me and mine around her, this solitude is perfect. Taking the covers, I pull them over our heads where we can just be…

  I wake to whispers, so close, yet so far away. Pulling the covers off of my head, it’s dark. The sun has set and Arion isn’t next to me. Fuck, where is she?

  Looking around, it’s so dark I can barely see in front of me. I blink a few times, then turn my lamp on and spot her. She’s on the bottom edge of the bed, sleeping and…whispering. Scooting over, I take a closer look to try to and make out what she’s saying. She looks in pain, so instinctively I go to wake her. Then she says, “Bain.” That one simple word leaving her lips freezes me. It stops me dead in my tracks and I forget about everything else.

  I listen some more, hoping to get a glimpse into her tortured mind, but all of her words are mumbled. Nothing is clear enough for me to make out. Then she rolls over towards me, her arm goes flying and hits me in the face. I do my best to contain my laughter. Jesus, she’s so cute.

  She moves some more, clearly restless, and her clothes twist exposing one of her tits. I can’t help but groan wanting to suck it.

  “Harder,” she mumbles tightening her thighs together.

  Fuck, she’s dreaming about fucking me.

  Leaning down, I press my lips against the skin of her nipple, so soft and warm, ’til my mouth forms around it causing it to harden and become erect. I leave a trail of kisses all around, claiming what is mine. Yes, her nipple is mine, she is mine, and I’ll be damned if I give up.

  With my mouth latched on, her body bows. Her doing so makes me suck hard and I move on top of her. With my free hand, I slide it underneath her and she arches for me so I can bring our bodies close together.

  She moans knotting her fingers into my hair, while I keep sucking and kissing. My cock is stiff and wants her so bad. With just our clothes separating us, I press myself against her pussy. Letting her know how much I want her.

  She doesn’t open her eyes, but I know she’s awake. “Fuck me,” she whispers. There’s my girl, as eager as ever. I smile, so happy to get a piece of who she was a few days ago, even if it’s only for a little bit. We’ve been through some shit these last few days, but I know I can make all that go away. Binding our bodies together as one does something to our minds and our souls. My lips move urgently on their own, drenching her skin, my skin with kiss, after kiss, after kiss, twisting and pulling her clothes every which way so I can touch every bit of her skin.

  She moves her hands through my hair gripping hard and then she roams my body. Covering every part of me, ’til she reaches my pants and goes inside. The instant her soft hands form around my hard cock, I want more and begin moving my hips. Pushing and pulling, pumping myself in her grip.

  Suddenly, out of nowhere, my mind begins to race to images of her leaving me for Nate. My chest tightens in pain, as my heart skips a beat. Dammit, I need to stop thinking like that. She won’t leave me – she can’t. “I love you, baby,” I tell her.

  “I love you.” Hearing her say the words is just what I needed. Well, that and her pussy. Moving my hands, I pull her shorts and underwear off. She sits up and lifts her tank top over her head, leaving her perky tits staring at me.

  I rip my sweats and t-shirt off in the blink of an eye, lying back down on top of her, pressing both of us hard into the mattress. My cock yearns to be inside of her and she wants it. She’s so wet that the small pressure of my dick against her sex causes me to slide right in.

  As I enter her body, I grunt out in pleasure. It sounds barbaric, but I can’t help myself. Even though
it’s only been a few days, it feels like a lifetime and I don’t stop moving ’til I’m all the way inside of her. Then bracing my weight above her, I claim her mouth and hold her face. Moving like I have so many times, only this time, it feels different. Like everything is fucked, but I know it’s just my mind again. I move a little faster, letting the pleasure take over and push me out of this world.

  With my eyes tightly shut, I focus on our release. Except mine won’t come. That fucker standing in the hallway keeps creeping back up in my head. I fear this could be our last time together. She’s better now…she’s calm and has had time to come to terms with things. She’s got the medication to help as well and…I can’t keep going there. I won’t go there.

  My eyes fly open and Arion…my beautiful Arion brings me back to reality. She’s moaning and close to letting go, I can tell by her noises. Her hand is around one of her nipples, pinching and pulling. Watching her like this puts me into my zone, exactly where I need to be.

  Putting my hands into fists, I rest them at her sides so we can come together. Nothing or no one is going to stop me or take that away from me. Leaning up, she watches me and I watch her, pumping myself with speed in and out of her delicious cunt. She tightens and squeezes me, putting my body right on the edge of explosion. Her ivory tits bounce with each thrust. Her beauty is something else.

  I’m so close, but I hold back ’til she lets go, working her over and over. She throws her head back. “Yes, baby, make me come,” she cries out in a fit of passion, followed by her signature orgasm sounds.

  Right away, my body lets go, coming violently inside of her. I grunt like an animal slamming myself so deep. We relish in the pleasure before coming back to reality, and I take my time milking out every last drop of cum. With her eyes closed and her breathing heavy, I’m scared of what to do next. Afraid to move or speak, so I just lie down, leaving our bodies connected. My heart pounds rapidly, my head next to hers, and both of us are silent.

  My breaths are shallow and heavy. Everything is so different. As much as I want to pretend that it’s not, it is. Everything that has happened worries me, and quite frankly I’m…scared…of the future. I’m scared of what has to be done. Clearly a decision has to be made, but how? How in the world do you choose between your past and your present? God, please give me strength.