Fatalism Page 3

  He offered to get me Starbucks this morning, which was a shock to me since Trent, the last attorney I worked for, made me go every day, twice a day to get it for him. And if it didn’t taste right, I had to take it back and get him another one.

  I pulled into the parking lot and parked in my normal spot. I made my way into the office building that was home to Smith and Brown. The firm was now staffed at capacity, and I hoped things would run smoothly going forward. With all the buzz going around about Kane’s track record that he had never lost a case, I think we were in for smooth sailing.

  The office building was in the heart of the Denver Tech Center just south of downtown Denver. It was thirty stories high, and I worked on the twenty-ninth floor. I moved through the lobby, which was marble and gold, with large pillars throughout, and made my way to the bank of elevators.

  I caught the elevator with Portia, one of the other paralegals on my team. I put my best smile on, considering I was still in a foul mood.

  “Morning, Portia. How are you today?”

  Portia smiled back at me, she was beautiful. She was Latino with perfectly tanned skin, long dark hair, and the bluest of eyes. She hit the jackpot on the gene pool.

  “Hey, Alexa. I’m great, thanks for asking. How are you doing? Are you excited for Kane to start today?”

  I leaned my head to the side, contemplating the question. “Yeah, he seems great.”

  She scooted closer to me and whispered in a low voice. “I talked to a friend in Phoenix last night who knows of him. She said Kane is not only a gentleman, but he’s extremely easy on the eyes.”

  Well good thing for me, I had rules. One of those rules was that I didn’t date attorneys, but I didn’t mind a little office flirting now and then. I needed a distraction, and hopefully Kane would be just that. He seemed great enough through our emails this week, and if he was as good-looking as Portia says, then I’m sure I wouldn’t think about Vincent again.

  “Well I am sure he can’t be any worse than Trent, so it’s a win-win for me.”

  She winked at me, and I laughed. Portia was very outgoing and didn’t hold much back. Her mouth didn’t come with a filter, but I liked that about her.

  The elevator opened and we walked in sync down the hall to our desks. Our desks were cubicles that lined the east side of the wall. Portia and I shared a cubicle wall, which was fun. I was glad to have her on the other side, and I thankfully had an end cubicle so no one was on the other side of me.

  On the corresponding side from our desks, and with a spectacular mountain view, were the offices of our Attorney’s: C.J Smith and Liam Brown. They had the two end offices and Kane, my new boss, would take over the middle one.

  I booted up my computer and checked my voicemail in the meantime. We had an eight o’clock. staff meeting, and I didn’t want to be late, so I grabbed my iPad and headed into the conference room. I was in desperate need of coffee, but didn’t want to offend Kane and his offer to bring me some today; I opted for a bottle of water from the mini fridge as I waited for my Starbucks and to meet Kane.

  Portia came in and sat down next to me, “Have you seen him yet?”

  I shook my head no. He must have just gotten here.

  “Well to say he is easy on the eyes is an understatement; he’s drop-dead fucking gorgeous.”

  I smacked her arm. “Will you keep your voice down?”

  She laughed, unable to control her non-existent filter was something everyone had become used to. No one looked in our direction as our other co-workers entered the conference room.

  “Sorry, but I wish that he was going to be my boss,” she said.

  I rolled my eyes. “Please, C.J. has it bad for you. If you would just give him the time of day, you wouldn’t be out looking for a boyfriend. And good thing for you, I don’t date attorneys. So now you have your pick.”

  She laughed again until. C.J. and Liam came into the conference room, quieting her immature fit. We all turned our attention to Liam, who spoke first.

  “Good Morning, team. As you know Kane, our newest attorney, is joining us today. He just got in from Phoenix, so go easy on him, and please make him feel welcome. Alexa, I expect that you have everything in order for his arrival?”

  I nodded my head and gave him a reassuring smile.

  “Good. In case you need help, I expect everyone to pull together and assist you in any way possible. We have the Albertson case to get Kane up to speed on.”

  Just then he came into the conference room and everyone’s attention turned from Liam to the man standing before us.

  What the fuck, Vincent?

  C.J. spoke up next. “Kane, welcome. We were just getting started. How about we go around and do introductions before diving into next week’s agenda?”

  Kane smiled, “Sure, but I have a coffee for Alexa.”

  He looked right at me and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest I swear the whole room could hear it. C.J. looked from Kane to me and back again.

  “I’m sorry. Have you two already met?”

  Kane’s smiled widened.

  FUCK, that smile.

  I felt everything below my waist tighten, and I didn’t know what to do. Before he could speak, I jumped up.

  “No, of course not. I’m obviously the only one here without coffee.”

  I reached out to take the Starbucks from his hand and forced a smile on my face.

  “What can I say, Alexa is the only one without coffee, enjoy. And it’s truly a pleasure to meet you in person, and that goes for all of you. I’m looking forward to being part of the team.”

  How was this even possible? I’ve been talking to him all week, preparing for his arrival, and filling him on things here. All the while, I’m having wet dreams about him and having to take cold showers to calm my libido. I was royally screwed and had no idea how I was going to handle this.

  I sank back into my chair, but not before Kane ran his tongue across his lower lip, or should I say Vincent.

  As the meeting progressed, I couldn’t focus on anything that Liam or C.J. said. My mind was racing through a thousand different scenarios as to how I ended up in this situation. What was I going to do about working so closely with him, when I had this lust for him I couldn’t control?

  I kept looking at Vincent who was three seats next to me; I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off of him. My mind drifted back to the dream I had this morning. My fingers itched to touch his hair. He looked so different than he had the night I met him at 9th Door. He was now dressed in a charcoal gray suit with a white shirt and black tie.

  The meeting seemed to abruptly come to an end; I hadn’t taken notes the entire time. My iPad lay untouched in front of me, and that was not like me. The room disbursed and Vincent approached me.

  “Alexa, may I see you in my office please? We have a lot to go over, so I would like to get started as soon as possible?”

  Portia sat frozen next to me, and for the first time, she looked star-struck.

  “Of course, let me run to the restroom, and I’ll be in.” I kept it calm, cool, and professional. I gathered my things and walked away, leaving Vincent alone with Portia. I’m sure five minutes alone with her would have his mind down a path of Latino love and far away from any thoughts he may have had of me. I sat my things on my desk and headed to the restroom.

  On the way, I ran into C.J.

  Crap.

  “Hey, Alexa. Are you okay today? You seemed rather quite this morning.”

  I rubbed my neck with one hand. “Yah, I’m okay. Thanks for asking. I had a long weekend, and I think I may be getting sick, that’s all.”

  He frowned with concern. “Oh, I’m sorry. Well, please let myself or Kane know if it gets worse and you need to leave early.”

  That was my out, I should tell him I had to go now. That way I wouldn’t have to face Kane and hear his bullshit excuse for why he lied to me when we met. Why he didn’t tell me his real name. I’m sure all week, when we were talking, he knew it was
me.

  Here I am, so consumed with thoughts of him that I am unable to close my eyes without seeing his face, and he can’t even be honest with me and tell me his real name. No, I wasn’t going to leave, not yet anyways. I was going to call him out on his bullshit game.

  “Thanks C.J. I’ll let you know if I start to feel worse, but hopefully I can fight through this today and get some rest this weekend.”

  He smiled at me, and I walked past him and continued to the restroom. I opened the door, and thankfully it was empty. I opted for a stall rather than stand and stare at myself in the mirror.

  I leaned up against the cold tile wall and immediately sank down to the floor. I hadn’t had feelings for a man in years, and the one time I do, the one time I let myself have feelings, he ends up being a liar and my boss.

  I had avoided these kinds of situations for years and for this reason. I didn’t like the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I needed to handle the situation with Kane. He was my new boss, and I did not date attorneys. End of story.

  There really was no point in talking to him to find out why he lied about his name, or if he had known. I needed to keep it professional and act as though he and the kiss we shared meant nothing to me, I had to keep my feelings for him tucked away and eventually they would disappear.

  He was probably interested in someone like Portia anyways. She was gorgeous: skinny, tan, and her long dark hair reminded me of Pocahontas. She was an exotic package compared to me, which was just plain.

  I’m sure the only reason he even kissed me is because I threw myself at him like a drunken fool. I pulled myself off of the bathroom floor. I had a game plan; I was going to keep things strictly professional.

  I left the bathroom and went back to my desk. I started to go through my emails, when an instant message popped up from Kane.

  Kane Mileski: Alexa, may I please see you in my office?

  Shit, that didn’t last long. I was hoping he had forgotten that he asked me to go in there.

  Alexa Schaefer: I’m not sure what to call you, but I’m sure whatever you need, I can handle from out here. Just email me a list and I’ll get it done.

  Kane Mileski: My legal name is Kane Vincent Mileski. At work I go by Kane, and outside of work I go by Vincent. I prefer to keep the two separate due to the high profile cases I handle. This ensures the safety of those close to me. Now I assure you that you cannot handle my requests from your desk.

  Ahh, this man was exasperating, to say the least. I did feel better knowing that he didn’t give me a false name and had a valid excuse. Against my better judgment, I gathered my iPad and went to his office.

  I walked up to the door; the sight of him instantly took my breath away. He had taken his suit coat off and was sitting behind his large desk with his white shirt, grey vest and black tie. I wanted to climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

  His eyes immediately met mine and there was that panty-dropping smile.

  Did he have this effect on everyone, or was it just me?

  “Why, thank you Alexa. Please come in and close door.”

  I did as he asked and went over to the expansive windows overlooking the amazing view of the Rocky Mountains. I had always taken the beauty of the landscape for granted. I stood and stared out at the snow-covered peaks unsure of what to say, he came and stood beside me crossing his arms across his massive chest.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked.

  He smiled down at me and reached to touch my face. “It is, but not as breathtakingly beautiful as you are, Lex.”

  I pulled away from his hand “Don’t call me Lex,” I snapped. “Vincent you don’t even know me. I didn’t come in here for this.”

  I walked across the room, sitting in one of the chairs opposite his desk. He was frozen and didn’t move. I looked into his hazel eyes; he had a look of pain on his face, the same look I saw when I was pulled out of his arms the other night. He ran both of his hands through his hair and sat across from me.

  “I’m sorry, Alexa. I can’t control myself when I’m around you. You’re all that I have thought about for the past week.”

  I put my hand up to stop him from continuing.

  “Please don’t. We can’t do this. You’re my boss. The other night…it was a mistake. That wasn’t me. I shouldn’t have acted like I did. I had far too much to drink and reacted in a way that sent the wrong message. I thought I would never see you again.”

  He creased his brows and leaned forward as he spoke.

  “You think the other night was a mistake?”

  It pained me to say it, much less to hear him repeat it back to me, but it was the only way. I had to lie to him; I had to tell him that I didn’t feel anything for him. I swallowed hard, to ensure I spoke clearly.

  “Yes.”

  His jaw clenched and he shot up from his chair. He paced the room, then said, “Bullshit, you’re lying. I can see it in your eyes now, and when I walked into the meeting today, I felt something between us. I know you did too.”

  I took a few deep breaths before I spoke, I needed to be strong and end this before it started.

  “Vincent, we have a job to do. If you would like to proceed with work, then please, let’s do so. I cannot repeat myself again, the kiss we shared was a mistake, and I’m sorry if you felt something. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

  The sound of my own voice pained me, and I had to fight back the tears. I was lying to myself and it hurt even more than I thought was possible. In that moment, Vincent was kneeling in front of me, between my legs. I couldn’t look at him. I kept my gaze down; a tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek. He wiped it away and ran his thumb over my lips.

  “Look at me, Alexa.”

  I couldn’t. I knew what would happened if I allowed myself to get lost in his eyes. As much as I wanted to, I had made it this far and caused this much pain to both of us, there was no going back.

  “I’m sorry, I…I can’t. I have to go.”

  I bolted out of his office before he could respond. I made my way to my desk, snatching up my cell phone and then left. I didn’t have to wait for the elevator and slid in with the UPS guy. He didn’t notice me as I leaned onto the elevator wall. He was oblivious to what was going on around him as he focused on his hand scanner showing his next stops and listened to some hardcore rock music that was way too loud.

  The elevator descended the twenty-nine floors, which seemed to take forever. Once we were on the ground level, I went outside to the seating area which was normally crowded with people eating their lunch and enjoying the sun. It was still early, so no one was outside. I sat on one of the benches and pulled out my cell phone to call the one and only person who could tell me what to do.

  “Lex, what’s up, baby girl?” as silence came across the line, I heard panic in her voice when she spoke. “Alexa, are you there? Is everything okay?”

  “I’m here, Cara. I need your advice. Everything’s so complicated. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “The beginning would be nice.”

  I huffed into the phone. “We don’t have enough time for all that. He’s here Cara. Vincent is here.”

  “Whoa, excuse me? How did he find you? What does he want?”

  I let out a long sigh. “I wish he was here for me. He’s my new boss.”

  “Are you serious? How did that happen? I thought you said your new boss’s name was Kane?”

  “It is. I mean, that is his name.”

  “So he lied to you? I’m on my way down there right now, and I’m going to kill him.”

  I couldn’t help myself from laughing. “Calm yourself down. You know you’re not going to do a thing. That’s what I thought at first, but he has a good excuse. His name is Kane Vincent Mileski. He goes by Kane at work and Vincent outside of work. He takes on a lot of high profile cases, so he uses the two separate names.”

  “Well, that does explain a lot. Did he know you worked there?”

  “
I haven’t asked him, but I will. Right now, I really need your advice on how to handle him. You know I don’t get involved with attorneys, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I love my job, and I’ve worked a really long time to get where I’m at, so I’m going to have to learn to work with him. I told him the kiss the other night was a mistake, and I didn’t have feelings for him.”

  “You did what? That was a bad move. That’s just adding fuel to the fire. You can’t kiss a guy one minute then say you’re not interested the next. It’s only going to make him want you even more.”

  “Um Cara, you’re not helping!”

  She laughed “Okay, sorry. Game plan time: you could tell him that you have a boyfriend?”

  “Hah, yeah right. He would call me out on it. He’ll ask me why I threw myself at him.”

  She snorted into the phone. “Fine, keep it cool, Strictly business. That’s really your only other option. Be an awesome employee, tell him that you’re there to do a job and that’s it.”

  I didn’t want to create some elaborate lie. I already told him the kiss was a mistake. I had hurt both of us enough maybe we could learn to be friends or something. Who was I kidding? I could barely breathe when he was around. If we tried to be friends then it would give him time to work through me and push my feelings to the surface. I needed to push him away, strictly business. I could do this. I was strong enough, hell I had been through worse in my life.

  “Okay, strictly business it is. Wish me luck. Thank you, Cara.”

  “Of course. Be strong, baby girl. I know you can do it.”

  We hung up the phone, and I sat in silence, staring out into the lake. I hoped that I could have the will power the fight through this; in the end it was best for both of us.

  Since going back inside from my phone conversation with Cara, the rest of the morning flew by. I hadn’t heard a peep from Vincent or seen him. I ate my lunch at my desk, the small amount I could stomach down. I guess one good thing about this situation was, I would lose the extra nagging pounds I had been carrying around for far too long. I stayed busy on my computer and going back and forth to and from the file room. I did my best to not look in the direction of his office. I knew he was in there, and I also knew what would happen if we locked eyes.