Zero F*cks: a standalone novel Read online

  ZERO F*CKS

  a novel by

  LK COLLINS

  Copyright © 2016 LK Collins

  Cover Design by Prezident Collins

  Edited by Lisa Christman, Adept Edits

  Photography by curaphotography

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Chapter 1 Cameron

  Chapter 2 Nixon

  Chapter 3 Cameron

  Chapter 4 Nixon

  Chapter 5 Cameron

  Chapter 6 Nixon

  Chapter 7 Cameron

  Chapter 8 Nixon

  Chapter 9 Cameron

  Chapter 10 Nixon

  Chapter 11 Cameron

  Chapter 12 Nixon

  Chapter 13 Cameron

  Chapter 14 Nixon

  Chapter 15 Cameron

  Chapter 16 Nixon

  Chapter 17 Cameron

  Chapter 18 Nixon

  Chapter 19 Cameron

  Chapter 20 Nixon

  Chapter 21 Cameron

  Chapter 22 Nixon

  Chapter 23 Cameron

  Chapter 24 Nixon

  Chapter 25 Cameron

  Chapter 26 Nixon

  Chapter 27 Cameron

  Chapter 28 Nixon

  Chapter 29 Cameron

  Chapter 30 Nixon

  Chapter 31 Cameron

  Chapter 32 Nixon

  Chapter 33 Cameron

  Chapter 34 Nixon

  Epilogue Cameron

  Acknowledgements

  Dedication

  Mr. Prezident, my sexy husband, thank you for teaching us all how a man lives giving zero f*cks, through the eyes of Nixon.

  Chapter 1

  Cameron

  “Oh my God, Conner, I miss you so much,” I tell my brother, as we video chat. And even though I can see his face, it’s still not the same…or enough.

  “Seven months and you’ll have me home, sis.”

  “I can’t wait.” He’s serving his second tour overseas and has been gone for way too long.

  “Have you talked to Mom and Dad?” he asks me.

  “Not since Easter. You?”

  “No, I got a package on the ship the other day from them. The postage looked like it came from Belize, but who knows where they are now,” he says.

  Our parents sail the world. My brother and I grew up spending a lot of time on their sailboat. It’s probably why we both love the water and do what we do for a living—he’s a Navy SEAL and I’m in the US Coast Guard. “Mom said they’d be here when you got home.”

  “You’re still cool if I crash with you though, right?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? I’d be pissed if you didn’t.” Our parents would welcome him on their boat, but when Conner comes home, he likes to be off the water, and I can’t blame him. Sometimes you just need solid ground. The feed cuts out on my laptop, and his face blurs for a second, then he’s back. “Can you hear me?” I ask, knowing a lot of time when it cuts out we lose our audio connection.

  “Yeah. Hey, I meant to ask you, have you seen Nixon? I know he moved back home after getting kicked out of the Navy.”

  “Hell no. You know I don’t want to see him; don’t even say his name.”

  “Oh, come on, Cam, you aren’t still pissed at him, are you?”

  I roll my eyes hating to be reminded of anything that has to do with Nixon Andrews or my past with him. He broke my heart, plain and simple. “I’ll never forgive him. Besides, he’s the reason you’re halfway across the world.”

  “No, he isn’t! I made this decision on my own and you forgave me for leaving too.”

  “Conner, you don’t need to protect him anymore.”

  “I’m not. Come on, I’m here to protect you. Anyway, I asked because I wanted you to know he’s been through some crazy shit. He’s not the same guy he was when he left.”

  The feed cuts out, and I switch the subject when he comes back into view, not wanting to talk about Nixon or the past any longer. It was five years ago, and clearly if he’s back and not contacting me, he’s as done with me as I am with him. I worried about him for long enough. I’m done with the Nixon pity party. “Do you need anything that I can send you?”

  “Hmmm. Maybe some beef jerky, and you know what? I could really use a new pair of sunglasses.”

  I chuckle at his list. “Really, that’s it?”

  “Yeah, that’ll do.”

  “Hollis, time’s up.” Someone yells at Conner in the background and I need to get going myself. The guys will be here any minute to pick me up.

  “I love you, little sis,” he says, and I tell him, “I love you too, Con. Be safe.”

  “Always. We’ll talk in a few days.”

  The screen goes black and the same feelings I always get when I say goodbye to him wash over me…fear—anxiety—tension. I’m scared for my brother’s safety. He is out there, in the middle of nowhere, fighting to keep our country safe. A knock on the door startles me, bringing me out of my worries. I get up, letting Guy, Seth, and Luke in. We all work together, and I’m glad to have them as a distraction right now.

  “Hey,” I hug them all, excited to get out and have some drinks, but I’m also sad that this is going to be our last time with Seth.

  “Well, don’t you look hot tonight?” Luke says grabbing four shot glasses from my kitchen cabinet as he rubs up against me.

  “Why, thank you, but I’m with you fools, so no one’s gonna be looking my direction.”

  After what Nixon did to me, I’ve had a hard time trusting men, but these guys have shown me that some men can be honest. Seth unscrews the bottle of tequila and fills the shots, then we all crowd around my tiny kitchen. “To Seth,” Luke says, “We’re gonna miss you, brother.”

  “Here, here,” we all chant and knock back the shots.

  Seth is moving to California with his wife, lucky enough to get reassigned near her family since they are expecting their first baby. He also got an awesome promotion to lieutenant, so none of us can blame him for leaving, even if we selfishly don’t want him to.

  “One more before we hit the road?” Luke asks and I don’t argue—I need to unwind after the crazy ass day we had at work. Thankfully, we’re off tomorrow, so we can let loose.

  Luke happily refills our shot glasses and gives me a wink. We knock the strong liquor back again.

  Leaving my apartment, we head to Seth’s favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar. As we pile into the back of a cab, Seth asks us, “Has Mack told any of you who’s replacing me?”

  “No, we don’t have a clue,” I tell him.

  “It’ll probably be some poor shmuck fresh out of training,” Guy says from the front seat.

  “No way. Mack wouldn’t do that to us.” And I have to agree. Our team has worked together for four years, day in and day out. We’ve completed more successful helicopter missions than any other four-person unit. Guy and Luke are both ex-Navy, and for Seth and I, wel
l, the Coast Guard is our first love…so it’s our life.

  Pulling up to the bar, Guy pays the driver, like he always does. He’s the pilot, so we let him. After all, the ass makes double the money we do.

  “You wanna sit at the bar tonight?” I ask.

  “Mmmmm, let’s grab a table, if that’s cool,” Seth says.

  We sit down and Guy opens a tab with the waitress. “When are you leaving?” I ask Seth.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Did you guys find a place yet?”

  “No, we’re gonna stay with Tabitha’s parents for a bit, until we sell our house here.”

  The waitress brings over a round of beers and I glance at Guy texting on his phone. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s Macey, she’s a little pissed that I didn’t invite her to come out with us.”

  “Why didn’t you?” I ask him.

  “I don’t know, it slipped my mind.”

  “That’s what I don’t get about you guys. You always want us to tell you where we are and what we’re doing and include you, but you can’t do the same.”

  “Oh, please, Cameron, don’t even take her side…you were my friend first, and don’t forget it.”

  “I’m her friend, too, and I’m gonna stick up for her when you make the wrong move, asshole. So invite her. Seth, you don’t mind if she comes, right?”

  Luke chimes in knocking back a drink of his beer and says, “You guys know this has nothing to do with you; it’s got to do with her brother keeping her in the dark about becoming a SEAL.”

  “Fuck you, asshole!” I retort, hating how well they know me.

  Yeah, maybe my sensitivity to being out of the loop does have everything to do with Conner leaving and my ex, Nixon, too. But I’ve never spoken of Nixon to the guys. Since the day he left me and broke my heart, I turned my back on him, the same way he did to me.

  Pulling my phone out as it buzzes, I see a text from Macey. She’s so sweet in her message, I’m not barging in on your last night with Seth. Everything’s good. I promise.

  Letting go of the subject that somehow got turned around on me, Luke asks me, “Do you want another drink?”

  “Sure.”

  He orders for us as Seth and Guy are deep in a debate about the speed of our Jayhawk. “You’re gonna miss him, huh?” Luke asks me as I watch Guy and Seth, and I smile, nodding in response. I really am.

  He reaches under the table squeezing my thigh to comfort me, and I swallow hard. I’ve never hooked up with any of these guys, sticking with my standard MO of safe distance from all men. They’re my best friends, but Luke has always seemed to like me, flirting and winking and touching me all the time.

  Grabbing his hand as it rests on my leg, I squeeze it back. I can’t deny that I like the affection he gives me. The waitress brings over our drinks and as she sets them down, we let go. Guy and Seth look over at us and ask, “Where the hell are ours?”

  “That’s for not inviting Macey!” I tease him.

  “Whatever!” He flips me off and Seth says, “Oh, stop being such a pussy.” No one puts Guy in check…no one, so Luke and I can’t help but laugh. Sitting back, I experience the camaraderie that we all share to the fullest, loving our fun banter, because when it comes to our next shift, it won’t be the same without Seth. The connection that the four of us share is so tight. The laughs, the bond, everything, it’s perfect. There is no way that Mack can ever find anyone else to replace Seth…ever.

  ***

  Holding the dart between the tips of my fingers, trying to focus in on the board, I’m so buzzed and it doesn’t help that Luke keeps distracting me. “Wanna make a bet?” he whispers in my ear.

  I shake my head ignoring him. Guy and Seth left hours ago to get home to their girls. Saying goodbye to Seth sucked—I cried like a baby and then wallowed my pain away in the never-ending shots and beers that Luke kept giving me.

  “You sure?” he asks me again, this time wrapping his lower hand around my waist, awakening something inside me. I don’t throw the dart as I ask him, “What do you have in mind?” He talks quietly into my ear, his breath warm as his lips are almost touching me, his chin resting on top of my shoulder, reminding me of the way my ex used to draw in close. “If you lose, I get to kiss you.” His words shock me and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

  “And what do I get, if I win?”

  “That’s up to you.” I think about his wager…his hand feels so good around my body, even if it is the alcohol making me feel this way. It’s been so long since a man’s touched me…or kissed me. I’ve kept men at a distance, but suddenly I’m wondering, for what? He’s not Nixon. In fact, he’s the polar opposite.

  Turning around, I shake his hand, and he smiles, gripping mine hard. “Don’t you wanna know what I want?” I ask him.

  “No…you can have anything, Cam.” My mind races, wondering what I’d even want if I won.

  Luke and I finish our round of darts, with a lot of arguing and bantering regarding the rules, and at the end of the night, he fucking beats me. “We could play again?” he suggests, maybe trying to be a gentleman, but I shake my head. Knowing deep down that I want him. Luke and I have walked a thin line for a long time and I think I’m ready to cross it.

  “What, you don’t want to kiss me?” I slur.

  “Oh, I fucking do. But only if you want me to.” He’s always been so respectful of me, and that’s made it easy to keep him in the friend zone, because he never pressures me. That, and because of my past, my heart is guarded against men in general. But Luke is different—he’s my friend and I value our friendship a lot and would hate to see that change. Nixon and I started out as friends too, and what I thought was the best thing when we became more, turned out to be the worst decision I’d ever made. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. But Luke is gorgeous, so the attraction is easily there. And as my friend, I do trust him…

  Finishing my drink, I set it down and decide to live in the moment, knowing…Luke is not Nixon. He places his hand at the small of my back, his lips hovering over mine. My insides heat as he inches closer, coming in, and I look into his brown eyes, which are dancing in the bar lights.

  Then he does it, he kisses me and everything that I was so scared of, feels so right. I kiss him back, our tongues working together. Desire filling my body as I weave my fingers into the back of his hair. I don’t think I want to stop.

  Grabbing his hand, I drag him away from the bar and towards the bathroom, feeling very wobbly, but determined. My head is hanging forward as I push the door open and pull him inside. He smirks at me as I push his back against the door, and he doesn’t waste another second, kissing me again. His lips are over mine and I taste him as the same spark erupts. Since Nixon, I’ve been with a few guys, but I don’t let my feelings get involved. However, being with Luke right now, in this moment, feels like more than a random hook-up, and I’m okay with that; I need it. Luke makes me feel safe and I trust him.

  We both get carried away. My insides are on fire, never imagining that Luke and I would be doing this and it could feel so good. He cups my face for a brief moment, looking deep into my eyes. “God, I want you.” He’s breathless and I can’t deny it…I want him too.

  “Then fuck me.”

  He shakes his head, biting his bottom lip, and refusing his good-guy moment before it goes any further, I lift my tank top over my head. My breasts gape back at him, and before I know it, he’s inside my pants. “God, I’ve dreamed about this so many times,” he says, and I can’t even process it, just needing him inside me, needing a good pounding and to come. Sex post-Nixon has become a feel-first-think-later kind of thing. “Do you have a condom?”

  He pulls one out of his wallet and hands it to me. I tear it open as we both shimmy our pants down. “Should we do this here?” he asks me, and again I bat away his hesitation as I roll the condom down his cock, lift my leg, and slide him into my body. “Oh fuck, Cam.”


  Jesus, he’s hard and feels so fucking good inside me. “Keep your back on the door,” I tell him as I hear someone outside. We begin to move together, my fingers holding on to his neck, my pussy clenching. Letting him work me good, fucking me the way I need.

  “Yes, Luke,” I moan, and he says, “I love when you say my name.”

  “Fuck me, Luke,” I chant again, as he’s rubbing the right spot. I look into his eyes, never imagining that sex with him could be this good. He stares back at me, relentlessly fucking me, gripping my thigh like his life depends on it. His mouth is ajar, and he grins, going a little harder as he pleases me so fucking well, only seeming to care about my pleasure as we both get swept away, our bodies moving so well together.

  Chapter 2

  Nixon

  With my hands around her hips, I pump my cock in and out. She’s on top of me, riding my dick, and keeps begging for more. “Harder, Nixon.” I slam her pussy, giving her what she asks for. She’s fucking me like she can’t get enough and I love it. Every nerve ending is firing on all cylinders as I work her tight cunt so good.