Fatalism Read online

  I slowed the kiss, and he lustfully worshiped and nibbled on my bottom lip. I pulled my tongue away and tried to control my breathing. He continued to peck my lips, as if he couldn’t stop. I rested my forehead against his chin, and when I opened my eyes, I looked up into his beautiful hazel gaze staring at me with wantonness while I was tucked tightly in his arms.

  I took a deep breath before speaking. “Hi, I’m Alexa.”

  He smiled down at me and shook his head. Everything within me yearned for him, the affect he had on my body sent me into extreme mania. I apparently had the same effect on him because I could still feel his erection pushing against me.

  “Hi, I’m Vincent.”

  I beamed at him with infatuation. “It’s nice to meet you, Vincent.”

  He kissed me again. “And the same to you, Alexa.”

  “Alexa, oh my God! Are you okay?”

  Oh Cara, perfect timing. “Yes, I’m fine. Why?”

  She looked from me to Vincent and back again with clear confusion written on her face. I felt the need to erase the confusion and introduce the two.

  “Cara this is Vincent. Vincent this is my best friend, Cara.”

  He gave her a slight nod, and smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Cara.”

  Cara scowled at him as I was wrapped up in his arms.

  “Cara, Vincent was helping me out, I rolled my ankle in these wedges and he caught my fall.”

  Cara wasn’t buying it as she crossed her arms and smirked at us both.

  “Well thankfully you’re okay. Are you ready Lex? Bridgette is hammered, so I called cabs to get us all out of here.”

  I didn’t want to go, I felt so comfortable and at peace in his arms. Something I never allowed myself to feel when I was with a man.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  At that moment, Cara pulled me out of Vincent’s arms, and dragged me off. I looked back to Vincent and he ran his hands through his hair clearly frustrated. Our eyes stayed connected, and I gave him a small wave.

  “Oh my God. My head is throbbing.”

  I struggled to wake and gather my bearings on where I was as well as the events that had taken place the night before. I rolled over to find Cara face down in bed next to me.

  “Cara, what the hell are you doing in here?”

  She spoke into the pillow, “I couldn’t make it upstairs last night; it would’ve been unsafe for my health.”

  I slapped her arm and she screeched.

  “Hey, what was that for?”

  “Sleeping in my bed uninvited and saying ‘oh my God’ in that damn Southern accent.”

  Cara snorted and her hand flew to slap me.

  “You better knock it off, or I’ll kick your ass out of here. Better yet, why don’t you go and get us some Starbucks?” I said.

  Cara rolled over and propped herself up on her elbows. “Not until you tell me what really happened between you and that Vincent guy last night? It didn’t look like you rolled your ankle to me.”

  I kept my eyes closed and thought about the events from last night, especially of Vincent. I missed the way it felt to be in his arms, the safety I experienced was like nothing I had even known when I’d been with a man. His smile and those lips, I thought about what I wanted him to do to me with those lips.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Cara. I rolled my ankle as I turned the corner, he was there and, thankfully, caught me before I fell.”

  Cara narrowed her eyes at me. “You honestly expect me to believe that you rolled your ankle and he caught you? End of story? You two were inches apart and wrapped up in each other’s arms. I’ve never seen you with a man before. When you introduced us he didn’t budge. Don’t you find it strange that he didn’t shake my hand? He held onto you like his next breath depended on it. I mean, I know I was drunk, but I saw what I saw, and there was no denying the lust between the two of you.”

  I sighed in frustration, she was right. Something was different with Vincent and as much as I wanted to avoid the topic and sweep it under the rug to mull over on another day, I needed to talk to her about what had happened not only with Vincent, but the feelings I was experiencing.

  “All right, there is more to the story, but I need coffee first. Can we go get breakfast and talk things over there?”

  “Sure thing, but you’re buying.”

  “Fine. Let’s get dressed and go.”

  The food here was always delicious; Café Lux was my all-time favorite breakfast place in Colorado. And the coffee was to die for, literally. I sipped on mine and looked at the surroundings; we were seated outside on the garden patio made up of natural stones and wrought iron tables looking out onto First Avenue. The people were flowing all around; most were going in and out of the shops with a leisurely pace. Some were capturing pictures of the far off mountains while others were biking down the river.

  I picked at my croissant contemplating how to bring up these feelings I was having without sounding crazy.

  “Do you believe in fate? I mean do you believe that no matter what you do in life your destiny is already planned?” I asked.

  She looked at me with an empty expression on her face, and thought about what I was saying.

  “I guess so. You mean, kind of like karma? You steal something, then the next thing you know you can’t find it and spend days on end searching but it never shows up?”

  I thought about her statement. Fate was kind of like karma.

  “Yeah, I guess like that too. I just mean, maybe I was supposed to meet Vincent, and that is why I felt so connected to him, it was like there was a tether pulling us towards one another. Maybe it was fate.”

  Although that sounded crazy considering I had just met him. But it was how I felt.

  “I can see where you’re coming from, but it is a little extreme to feel so connected to someone you don’t know.”

  “I did kiss him, and the minute our lips touched it was as if everything felt right.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You did what? You kissed him? You kissed Vincent in public?”

  I nodded my head. “I couldn’t stop myself. Honestly, I rolled my ankle, and he caught me. I went into the restroom a complete and utter mess of desire. Everything inside of me wanted him. Cara, I’ve never wanted a man the way I wanted him, and it scared the shit out of me. You know me, I don’t do PDA. Normally, I would’ve hooked up with him and then ended it. But I couldn’t, the attraction was too strong for one hook-up and that’s not like me.”

  She stared off into the distance and was not making eye contact. My words had clearly floored her.

  “I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say. You have always made it clear that you don’t date, and now here you are, after meeting a guy one time, you’re off in la-la land, dreaming of a relationship. Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds coming from your mouth? You have never dated anyone.”

  I took a deep cleansing breath and put my face in my hands. “I know it sounds crazy, and the shitty part about all of this is, none of it matters. I don’t know who he is; I don’t know his last name or anything about him. And I’m never going to see him again.”

  “Good Morning Sunshine.”

  I moaned into my pillow. I forgot that Cara and I were going to work out at Red Rocks this morning. I really wanted to sleep in, but there was no way Cara was going to let me. Red Rocks was a tradition for us. We loved going to the world renowned amphitheater that has held some of the biggest names in music for concerts. During the day time it was a popular place to run the massive stairs that acted as the seating and was nestled in between large Red Rock formations.

  “Uhh, what time is it?”

  She laughed at me. “It’s five a.m., you asked me to wake you up remember? If you continue to bitch we’re not going to see the sunrise.”

  She was right, as much as I was not an early bird, I wanted to see the sunrise. There was something about watching the sun move that started my day off right.

  I hurried o
ut of bed and threw on some yoga pants, a hoodie, and my running shoes. Cara was waiting for me at the front door before we loaded into my car and headed off into the mountains.

  We pulled into the empty dirt lot. You could smell the fresh mountain air. It was still dark outside, but I’ve been there so many times that I could find my way around even if the moon wasn’t out.

  I liked to park in the lower lot because it made the workout that much more strenuous. The workout here was brutal, not only was the air thinner up here, but you had to hike up almost one hundred stairs to get into the amphitheater. Once inside there was another sixty-nine rows of wooden benches expanding the length of the inside of the amphitheater. That was the real challenge; it was almost like doing lunges up the side of a mountain.

  Cara smacked my ass. “You ready to head up, girl?”

  I winked at her. We always raced from the car to inside of the amphitheater.

  “Loser buys breakfast,” she said.

  “As always, that will be you,” I teased.

  She put her hands on her hips and gave me a dirty look as I blew her a kiss. With that, we were both off sprinting across the dirt parking lot and up the long curved, paved road to the bottom of the stairs. The stairs were wide and had multiple railings running up and down the middles of them.

  Cara tackled them by grabbing the bar and taking two at a time. Myself on the other hand, I took one at a time but with ferocious speed, my tiny steps always got me the win. Cara was ahead of me but quickly lost her momentum; I kept my short strides intact and didn’t look back.

  When I got to the top of the stairs, I looked down at my friend as she gave me the finger. I laughed so hard I had to bend over. Once I caught my breath and I stood up, she was still glaring at me.

  “Oh come on Cara, I told you last time to change up your strategy.” She reached the top of the steps and spoke inches from my face. “You better not want to eat anywhere expensive. I can’t afford it.”

  I laughed again, I think this time I really pissed her off. Cara lived with me rent free so she could definitely afford to splurge on breakfast.

  “You better believe you’re going to take me somewhere expensive.”

  She chuckled and elbowed me, “Oh fine, Lex. Expensive it is.” I squealed, and we started to head up the stairs.

  Once we reached the top, the sun was just peaking over the horizon. It was incredible. This was by far the most beautiful place to watch the sunrise. It was worth waking up at five a.m. I stood there and looked at the sky that was a menagerie of pinks, oranges, and red, I suddenly saw hazel. Thoughts of Vincent began to creep into my mind and I couldn’t help but picture myself back in his arms.

  The week seemed to fly by. It was already Thursday when I finally got to sit down and watch my DVR. I sank into the plush couch, nuzzled into my soft throw, and got lost in one of my favorite television shows. I spent the week preparing for the arrival of Kane, my new boss and partner at the firm. It was nice, knowing we would have a full team again especially with the Albertson case going to trial soon. Cara flew down the stairs and sat next to me.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked without looking at her as I was too consumed in my show.

  “Yeah, a little. Do you want to go out?”

  Was she crazy? There was no way I was leaving this house or my couch. This was the first night I didn’t work late. I paused the DVR and sat up. “Why in the world would you ask me if I wanted to go out?”

  She shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal. “I want to celebrate.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “And what do you want to celebrate?”

  She turned towards me. “Do you remember that guy I was dancing with at 9th Door? We’ve been texting, and he asked if I wanted to go out to dinner next week.”

  I plastered the best fake smile I could on my face.

  “I’m happy he called, but you know your track record with guys like that.”

  She sighed and slouched back into the couch. “I knew you were going to say that, but he seems different. He really does. We had a great time dancing, and he didn’t try to take me home. He gave me his number, and I got to know him better this week. He’s different. He’s really genuine; you can’t judge him just because he has tattoos.”

  She was right. I was the last person to be judging anyone, especially to judge someone because they had tattoos.

  “Fine, if you like him and really believe he has good intentions, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. But no going out tonight. Let’s order in and open a bottle of wine. Then we can discuss a game plan to keep your heart safe.”

  She smiled at me and hopped up off of the couch. I got up after her and grabbed my favorite wine from the fridge. I poured us each a glass while Cara ordered dinner. She knew me so well; she didn’t have to ask what I wanted to eat. We’d been friends for years, and every detail about each other came as second nature. I felt like being bad tonight and the normal order of brown rice and steamed veggies was not going to satisfy my craving.

  I yelled up to her, “Will you add some egg rolls and crab rangoons, please?”

  She laughed and said, “Yeah, sure thing.”

  She came downstairs and snatched the wine out of my hand. We retreated back to the couch, and both of us sat down to discuss her date as we waited for dinner.

  “So, tell me what his name is,” I said.

  She took a deep breath, and leaned into the couch. “His name is Jon. He’s a real estate agent and just moved here from Florida.”

  Hmm, a real estate agent with tattoos, now that was a first. But it was possible, I needed to stop judging and give him a chance.

  “Okay, where is Jon, the real estate agent, taking you for dinner?”

  “He said I could pick anywhere since he is new in town and doesn’t know a lot of good places. The first place I thought of was Elway’s.”

  Elway’s was a nice restaurant owned by John Elway of the Denver Broncos.

  “Okay, I like Elway’s. So just dinner?”

  She shrugged her shoulders at me. “Yeah, I think so. If it goes well maybe we will go out for a drink and dance afterwards.”

  I hope that’s all that happens. Cara was known for falling fast and falling hard. If she drank too much then there would definitely be sex involved, and as soon as she slept with someone, she was in love.

  “Well, good. I’m happy for you.” I gave her the most genuine smile I could muster up. “But if he so much as harms a hair on your body or even thinks of making you cry… I’ll cut his balls off.”

  Laughing, she hopped off the couch to get the doorbell, which just rang. She ignored my comment. She was good at avoiding things like I was.

  That night, I laid in bed restless, unable to fall asleep. Sleep normally came easily to me, but tonight it didn’t, not even with the wine. My mind was racing while images of Vincent’s face, flashed before my closed eyes. My body yearned for him. I needed to know him; to see if what I was feeling was real. But I knew I would never see him again; I should have slept with him that night. Now all I would ever have was the one kiss that we shared.

  I stared at the ceiling in my bedroom and sighed heavily, letting the exhaustion take me over. I turned on my side and closed my eyes for the last time that night.

  Out of nowhere, I felt a warm hand rest on my hip. I knew who the touch belonged to without needing to look. He slowly slid his large warm hand across my stomach, pulling me close against his body.

  I could feel every detail of his body entangled with mine. He was immense and warm, immediately comforting me and washing away my prior aghast. He brushed my hair off my neck, with his smooth fingers and gently kissed behind my ear.

  He whispered into my skin, “You’re so beautiful, Alexa.”

  He left a trail of sweet kisses down my neck, sucking and nipping along my shoulder, and pushing his bulging erection into me. I moaned with pleasure, rolling onto my back, wanting to touch his face and have his hair knotted in my fingers, swiftly
he moved to cover me.

  Pressing his full body into mine, we fit like a puzzle, all of our body parts locking together like they were made for each other. I stared into his alluring eyes, and his mouth curved into a mischievous grin.

  “How did you find me?” I asked.

  He rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand. “Shh, that’s not important right now. Close your eyes, beautiful.”

  I did as he asked; as if I had a choice. I leaned up into him with my mouth, feeling his breath on my skin. It was sweet and hot, a heady combination.

  The moment our lips touched, the spark was instant. I felt electricity move through my entire body, the desire I felt for him was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was sure he felt it too, intensifying the kiss, a growl from deep within his throat escaped.

  Heat radiated off of his ample body, and he pressed me into the mattress. Slowly, he moved one of his hands and cupped my breast firmly in his grip. My body bowed off the bed pushing into his touch as his fingers teased my raised nipple. I greedily moved my hands into his hair and gripped the satin strands while he moved his mouth from my lips to assault my waiting nipple. He sucked and flicked the hard peak, back and forth in his mouth. I moaned with lust.

  My alarm clock went off; I smacked the top and read the time, 6:00 a.m.

  I turned back to Vincent, but he was gone. What had just happened? Where did he go, he was just here? I mean, he was here with me, wasn’t he? I could still feel his touch and smell his scent. My mind raced back through the events that just taken place, and now I lie there confused and pissed off.

  What the hell?

  I drove to work still heated and angry. Why was I dreaming about someone that I didn’t even know? I had to pull myself together today, and it was extremely important that I did so.

  With Kane starting today, I wanted to make a good impression. We had been in constant contact via email, and thankfully, he seems really great. He didn’t ask a lot of me, unlike the last attorney who I worked for had. Kane sent over a simple request of supplies to have for his office. I had to order stationary and business cards along with getting the IT team out to ensure his office was all set up with his laptop, computer, and blackberry.